(804) 928-3189 BethHedquist@gmail.com
Can Safe and Secure Include Love and Serenity?

Can Safe and Secure Include Love and Serenity?

With the recent violence in our country and elsewhere in the world, the conversation on what our response should be is very controversial. Should we respond with love? Should we respond with aggression? Should we close our borders? Should we enact stricter gun control laws? We seem to be polarized on the issues, with strong opinions on both sides. Who is right and who is wrong?   When we feel threatened, we can tend to choose one of three pseudo-solutions: aggression, submission, or withdrawal. While we may justify our attitudes and behavior as essential to our safety, these defenses are actually distorted versions of three valid, healthy responses: courage, love, and serenity.   The Courage to set a boundary and respond with appropriate action. The strength of Love to feel compassion and concern for the situation of the other. The Serenity to keep a cool head and draw on wisdom to negotiate a solution that supports all parties.   When we are defended, we are in distortion, and we see these three qualities as mutually exclusive. If our personality type favors the aggression defense, we often perceive an act of real love as weak submission. If we tend to choose the submission defense, we are likely to view those who would set healthy boundaries as cold-hearted aggressors. If we prefer the withdrawl approach, we are likely to be in judgment of both of these responses, and detach from the whole situation. We can spend endless hours arguing which defense is the RIGHT course of action, when they are all just different flavors of the same ice cream. All pseudo-solutions...
Has “Not Good Enough” Consumed You?

Has “Not Good Enough” Consumed You?

I heard it first as a voice, and a knock at my door. It kept saying, “Let me in! You know you’re not good enough. You’ll never be good enough! You might as well just quit trying to pretend that you can do more, be more, give more, and you’ll finally be enough. It won’t ever happen.”   I didn’t really believe that voice at first, even though it was pretty loud. I ignored it for awhile, but it didn’t go away. It kept knocking at my door, screaming cruel words of inferiority and inadequacy. I will admit though, it did shake me up a little. What if the voice was right? And what if everyone else found out it was true? Those simple moments of fear and doubt were just the opening that was needed. Peeking out through the crack in the door, I saw a horrible monster yelling at me, and it quickly pushed its way inside and devoured me. In one bite. I was consumed by a monster. There I was, sitting down in the depths of his belly, curled in a ball with my head in my hands, devastated. Heartbroken. Hopeless. Despairing. I was completely identified with that voice that said I was no good, and never would be.   And then I heard another voice. It said, “Quit. Just quit. You know you want to quit.” I assumed this was more negativity coming from the monster, encouraging me to give up everything my heart held dear. Because, after all, I was not good enough to have any of it. But somewhere deep within, I...