It seems like a lifetime ago that we began social distancing and sheltering in place. And yet, it was only two months ago! My, how much has transpired in such a short period of time.
In spite of the fact that I love writing and blogging – I consider it a spiritual practice – I have found myself unusually silent these past several weeks. A lot has been happening under the surface, but something inside me kept saying, “Don’t write yet. Don’t think you know the answers. Be still. Be teachable. Stay in the unknowing.”
I’m sure you’ve read plenty on the spiritual significance of this pandemic. How it’s an opportunity for us to make a radical shift in our consciousness. You’ve probably also had countless conversations about how this experience is going to change us.
I have felt somewhat hesitant to say this out loud, but I’m not so sure that this is going to usher in a radical shift in the consciousness of humanity. I am pretty sure things will be different when we emerge from this crisis. But will our consciousness be different, or just the way our society protects itself? Will we live from love more frequently, or will we put all our energy into creating herd immunity or a vaccine so we can “safely” return to our limited ideas and our illusion that we can control Life?
I hope that we will create a more beautiful, compassionate world going forward. But I’m not yet ready to rush to the end of the story. I’m still busy living the present.
And in this moment, I have to admit I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. And to pretend I do know – to embrace inspiring spiritual theories that make me feel better – can result in defending against experiencing the abyss of grief, terror, uncertainty and powerlessness that are not only hallmarks of this time, but also necessary if we are to become willing to let go of our old ways of being.
For things to radically change, WE HAVE TO CHANGE. RADICALLY.
Are we willing to do that? Allow ourselves to completely dissolve and be reconfigured?
I don’t know.
What I do know is that I want to listen carefully to how Spirit is calling me in this moment. Rather than embracing ideas that spiritual giants are espousing just because they seem to embody wisdom, I want to listen to and heed the voice of my inner teacher. That still small voice inside often tells me the next step without showing me where I am going or why. But I have learned it is the most trustworthy voice there is.
And so I have turned deeply inward these past couple of months, meditating and praying and exploring the dark crevices of my psyche that have remained unknown until recently.
And I have turned outward, contemplatively outward, soaking in the beauty of nature and the presence of the life force that courses through everything. I have seen God in the way the wind makes love to the trees, amidst the sacred stillness of the night sky, the vibrant green of each new leaf, and the brilliance of spring flowers bursting forth with abundant life. I’ve delighted in the the animals and birds that are my frequent companions in this secluded woodland paradise at Sevenoaks Retreat Center.
I have struggled with confusion, negativity and my refusal to trust Life. And I have opened to the Life Force that connects me as one with everything.
I have seen deeply into the soul of another and recognized what is beyond personality and form. And I have wrestled with the utter humanness of my limited incarnation.
And so when I say I don’t know if this virus will be the catalyst for a new evolution for humanity, I do not say that with hopelessness, pessimism or despair. I say that from the place of only what I know so far, and from finding the grace that always exists and doesn’t care if we change or not. I am finding the beauty that is not touched by the devastation we are facing. I am finding my connection to the Life Force that cannot be eradicated by a virus, by ignorance, hatred, or anything else for that matter.
I am finding the hope and the peace that doesn’t need to know the end of the story.
You may be discovering something completely different than me. That is fine. I believe we are all able to hear the wisdom that is right for us if we pay more attention to our inner teacher than any outer form. If all we do during this time is heed the guidance of our inner teacher, that will be enough.
What do you hear when you listen to the voice of YOUR Inner Teacher?
What wisdom is being channeled through you?
I’d love to hear about it if you are willing to share.
