The current political administration has been a huge opportunity to notice what inside me still needs some attention. After the election, I stepped up my self care and recommitted to my spiritual practice and to living the Pathwork teachings. Somehow the result was that I was graced with a peace that did not depend on what was happening outside of me for a couple months. It was such a gift! At some point, I’m not sure when, I gradually began to lose the felt connection with the Divine within. Outer events began to trouble me deeply, and the inner disconnection left me feeling untethered.
In working this with my Helper, she reminded me of a quote I keep handy from Pathwork Lecture 39:
You all know that your development does not proceed upward or downward along a steady line. It fluctuates, going up and down in spirals. And sometimes, while you are on a downward curve, you do not realize you are a step higher than the last upward curve you were on. Although the last upward curve was, on the whole, lower than the present downward curve, every upward curve feels better. You felt an elation and a liberation that you do not feel on the downward curve, which you have now worked yourself up to. Whenever you are on a downward curve, you encounter conflicts that you have not yet resolved. They disquiet you; they make you restless and fearful until you have laboriously worked them out and understood them; until you have fitted them into as much of the whole picture as is available to you now. When this is done, the upward curve sets in again, and you enjoy the clear air of a gained truth a little further.
But when the downward curve comes again, you must delve into the darkness of your confusion and error, and that cuts you off from the divine stream. You may oversimplify this by saying: “Things are depressing; I experience unpleasant things and that is why I am cut off from the divine flow.” You are only half right, and that is always dangerous. The unpleasantness you are experiencing is only a reflection, a necessary effect of the cause you have within yourself that waits to be dug out. And that is why, when you are on the downward curve, which may vary in length according to the personality and the inner problems to be solved, the flow is cut off. You are surrounded again by the strong impressions of the world of manifestation. You can no longer connect with the feeling of reality you have tasted at other times. The disconnection is necessary; it provokes a battle on your part to attain victory again. Every victory means a new upward curve.
It is quite natural that in such periods of temporary darkness you cannot feel God’s absolute truth, that you do not vibrate with it. This cannot be forced by your will. But what you can and should do during these periods is to think clearly and reasonably about your findings in the light of what you now know, although temporarily this knowledge sits only in your brain, and to wait until you become filled with this knowledge again.
I knew I had lost the experience of vibrating with the truth of God, and I was surrounded again by the disturbing impressions of the world of manifestation. I knew I could not do anything from my self-will to bring it back. I felt a deep sadness that would not go away. The sadness felt appropriate as a response to the suffering being inflicted by abusive powerful men. It did not feel like an emotional reaction, but it was difficult to hold without feeling grounded in Source. What I did not fully realize was that this deep sadness was not just in witnessing the suffering “out there,” but it was also a deep inner sadness and suffering at feeling like I had lost God. In realizing and then speaking this sadness to my Helper, I connected with a profound love for and longing to be in union with the Divine. Afterwards as I took a walk outside on a beautiful spring day, It was as if speaking of my longing and my sadness – two faces of the same coin – had brought me back to my connection. Every flower and tree so alive, the surface of the lake sparkling and shimmering as if welcoming me back home.
God is everywhere, how could I have forgotten?
I think I forgot because I got seduced by the anger, fear, and hatred that lives in me. The cutting edge of my spiritual growth is to stand up to injustice from LOVE. I suppose I was led to an experience of my negativity so I could see clearly where I was not aligned with Love in responding to what is happening in our world. So I will make amends with myself and begin again. I guess I’ll just keep traveling this spiral path with it’s upward and downward curves – forgetting and remembering again the truth that I can never lose God.
Oh dear, oh my Beth! I sure needed to hear this today. I also have felt such deep depression, grief, anger, sadness, and hopelessness in the light of what’s happening “outside”. It feels akin to drowning, slowly, as each wave appears to knock me over, take me down, only to bob up and be taken down again. Endless, endlessly, disbelief uncontainable feelings. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this. I know so very many people are feeling this and need these loving reminders. I feel grateful to you and others in my life that share the LIGHT when they themselves have come up for air. In this way we stay connected to each other and to God. Blessings dear one
Thanks Donna, and so good to hear from you. Yes, it is a difficult time and we need each other to remember that we are never apart from the Divine. Together we will find our way to the light!
The illusion of separation from each other, from nature, from God leads to fear in all its forms. The fear leads to the desire for domination and control, for declaring our cause to be right and anyone opposing to be wrong and need to be controlled or even killed. This shadow within all of us is externalized through projection and war and cruelty continue.
Thanks George, and yes, the illusion of separation is at the core of all our suffering.
Thank you Beth. Reading this was very helpful. I have been experiencing broken connection with the Light off and on for the past two years. Great light and deep darkness, sometimes in the same day. This reading puts it into perspective and makes perfect sense. It’s encouraging to know that it’s part of my growth and not losing or going backwards. Blessings.
Great to hear from you, Deb! And you are so welcome. It’s challenging to lose that connection, and sometimes we just need reminders – I know I do!