Our country is experiencing an uprising of fear, hatred, cruelty and abuse of power that is very painful to witness. I deeply believe the potential for such hurtful behavior exists within the heart of every human being, and has to be exposed before it can be healed, but it is still very painful and scary to witness. 

But something else is happening at the very same time. Other individuals, myself included, are standing up to say, “I have no idea how to effectively and lovingly respond to this collective crisis we are all going through, but I want to learn. I want to show up. I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. I want to heed the call to serve love in all my thoughts, words, and actions. I know that I am far from capable of doing so perfectly, but I am willing to make mistakes if it serves both me and my fellow human beings.”

It is easy to discount the power and the strength of this willingness to stand in love, and to doubt that love is more powerful than hate. It is easier to justify my withholding and withdrawal by seeking supposed safety in staying small. And it is so tempting to engage in opposition from a place of anger and hostility that claims my side is righteous, and the other side is evil. But to do so shifts the blame for not loving to another, when the choice is mine alone. 

I was recently a witness to a conflict between two people that caused me to pause and deeply consider how I responded to that situation. While I acted instinctively and to the best of my ability in the moment, I had to acknowledge that I probably could have done more to de-escalate the situation and support both parties in having an opportunity to communicate more effectively. My failure to do more was due to several factors: 

1. My childhood trauma was triggered and I was scared. 
2. I was surprised and confused when the person I normally considered “on my side” handled the situation no better than the person who I considered the opponent. She didn’t initiate the conflict, but she contributed to it.
3. I lacked the knowledge and training to know how to effectively handle the situation.

None of these things are excuses or reasons to justify my failure, but they do help me compassionately understand my less than perfect response. Judging and blaming myself is just another act of hatred turned inward, and also is not an effective or kind response. So each of these bullet points help me understand why I responded as I did, and allows me to use that information compassionately to learn how I could respond more effectively next time. 

Honestly, I did begin by beating myself up for not knowing and doing better. My intention was good – to do better, but my tactics towards myself were a bit harsh. And that is where grace and mercy and kindness stepped in.

In reaching out to a number of friends, family members and mentors, I was treated with such love, kindness, compassion and support that it brought me to tears multiple times.

1. I was supported in feeling the pain of my childhood trauma and holding that inner child with love, while not indulging the child or my ego’s sense of self-importance.
2. I was challenged to see clearly that both sides tend to default to defensive measures rather than to trust love, and that I too can fall into that trap. The challenge is to be more intentional and honest about embracing an approach that transcends the dualistic parameters of right and wrong, good and evil, my way versus your way.
3. In acknowledging my lack of experience and training, I reached out to learn more and was supported by a dear friend in getting some of the education that I need. 

So yes, I see evidence in the news, on social media, and in person that speaks to the uprising of a lot of horrendous negativity. If I am open, honest, vulnerable, and willing to reach out for support, I experience the abundant love, support and compassion that I want to see in the world. My people know who they are, and I really, really hope they know and honor what a gift they were and are to me and to the world. 

I invite you all to stand up and imperfectly do what you can to serve love in every moment, and to trust that your failure to do so perfectly is just an opportunity to learn and to grow. One of my dear friends offered me the analogy of a rock tumbler, and I love it. He said something like, “if you are serious about contributing to the change you want to see in the world, you will be tumbled and bruised like a rock in a rock tumbler. And if you are not, you are not growing.”

I pray that we are all willing to know ourselves as a diamond in the rough, to have our rough edges tumbled and worn away so that our polished brilliance shines like the gift it is to everyone we meet.

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TREASURE IN THE DEPTHS: Identifying Hidden Obstacles to Fulfillment.  

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